Waxing nostalgic

Last night, I was sitting watching tv while hubby fixed dinner. A movie was came on, it was one I had not seen. Waiting, (as in the job), I believe it was called. How original, a movie about a group of people who work in food service. I say this like I did not enjoy the movie. Well it isn't so much that I enjoyed the movie, as it took me back to a certain time in my life. A time I very much enjoyed. A time where learning and growing took place. A time where I was truly free.

As the movie progressed, the characters grew increasingly familiar. I became a sentimental fool. All kinds of people and experiences came flooding back. Memory after memory. It was almost like looking through a photo album. I began to miss these people, the connections I had with them. I began to wonder where so and so had ended up. Was life anything like they had hoped? Were they married with children? Most importantly, were they happy? Wherever they ended up, whatever they were doing, were they happy?

I can honestly say that I am happy with my lot in life. Though this is not where I imagined I would end up. I have no idea why I thought things would be different or even how. I just know I entirely expected my life to be one hundred percent different. Work, a job, career that is something I expected to have. In a way I do have a job, I am a stay-at-home mom. The hours are long, my boss is an insane dictator and the work is never done. I stay very busy. However I would not give up this job for anything. I love my little dictator that much.

It was just that the movie made me think about the relationships that form when you work with a group of people. Especially when that group of people gets along famously. You find yourself spending time together outside of work. There are inside jokes, pranks, after-hours mischief. Work is actually an enjoyable experience, you look forward to punching the clock. I found myself missing that the most. Longing for that kind of camaraderie, that only happens once in a while. It also only happens when you are young and free. When having a good time is all that matters. Before life starts hurtling forward so fast, you wonder where the conductor went.

Something surprising happened during all my reminiscing that has not really happened to me before. I felt old. I honestly for the first time felt old. That time in my life was so long ago, a lifetime. I will never have my youth back. I will only be so care-free. I am no longer 18. Not that I had felt 18 in years, but man have things changed since then. I'm older and wiser. But to be that age, excited, starting fresh, the whole world beckoning with a come hither look. What a wonderful time it was. I say all this like I am some ancient prune. I'm still young, I have plenty of life ahead of me. It will be interesting to see what happens next. Its been an interesting ride so far. I just hope there is still frivolity in my future.