And so it begins

Here is it, 8 pm on a Wednesday. I begin to shed "mama" and think in phrases more complex than simple needs or wants. When I started this new chapter in my life (parenthood) little did I know, I mean really know, how I would change. I am calmer and softer but you can still light a fire under me and watch the show. I am passionate but about different things. I hope by writing my thoughts down, I will be able to see the changes that have occurred and assess the new person I have/will become.

I find myself drifting from idea to idea often, never really hitting land. It is an odd place to be. Just floating, waiting to land. I am neither anxious or scared, I gladly welcome what will be. I, much like my son, am discovering what a big and complex place the world can be. I am looking at things through new less cynical eyes. I think about things much more than I used to. I used to be a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal. Now I am much more contemplative. Thinking about where the chips will fall, wanting to know the pattern they will form before they hit the floor. I suppose that all comes from having a little person to think about.

So much thinking comes when a baby enters your life. I've thought about things that never crossed my mind in 30 years of life. Things like will the signal from the remote create havoc in years to come. I'm totally serious. All these radio waves floating around how are they really affecting you and I. Not every thought is that serious. I think about other things. For instance... Why do the dogs bark at vehicles that drive by the house? Again I am serious. One of my dogs barks at every truck that drives by, the other barks at bicycles. I sometimes wonder if I adopted two of the strangest dogs ever.

So these are some of the things that keep me up at night. A little taste of my brand of crazy. So here it is the end of my first post, a random collection of things I think about. The direction I am heading in is unknown, I kind of like things that way. It leaves a certain mystery, a bit of intrigue. I just keep pushing forward and doing what comes naturally, even if I question what is being done. What a long and strange trip I am on. I guess I will just sit back, attempt to relax and enjoy the ride, while I still can.